Thursday, January 05, 2006

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

From Mikey's Funnies: NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's largest ball of twine.
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home - eat out more.
~ Don't have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.
~ Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Don't eat cloned meat.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about your own faults.
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.

2 comments:

The Righteousness of God said...
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The Righteousness of God said...

Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z. . .