Monday, April 10, 2006

STARTLING JUDAS GOSPEL TIE DISCOVERED!!!


Unbelievable as it may sound, New Testament archaeologists have also recently unearthed the infamous "Judas tie" which Judas, the dastardly disciple of Jesus, allegedly used to hang himself.

Scrambling to translate the somewhat complicated text ("made in China" was readily deciphered), scholars are aghast by the explosive message of the writing. "This text is destined to rock the religious world" Dr. Alex Smartov told reporters. Smartov discovered the Judas tie as he was poking a prayer note into a crevice in the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. Part of the translated text reads...

"...[I] was just kidding around in saying that Jesus asked me to betray him. The comment was good for a few laughs, but party-pooper Peter did[n't] like me ta[lki]ng like that..."

Another brief phrase seems to read, "...where can a gu[y get a g]ood reuben around here?"

Scholars are still trying to date the manuscript-as-tie but cannot come to consensus. Dr. I Ada Cumquat contends that the olive oil stain just below the tie knot pericope dates from 67 CE, but doesn't rule out the tie being much older, like from 66 CE. Prof. Imma Lukin Foryou argues for a later date because there is a line that appears to read "...beep! beep!..." and a veiled reference to a "coyote."

What with all the uproar about "The Gospel According to Judas," the discovery of the Judas tie is bound to continue the media stir about the conspiratorial origins of Christianity.

Prof. Scot McKnight, a proficient blogologist and researcher into all things New Testament, reported to "the Times" that the "Judas tie is simply a post-Enlightenment diversion from the soon to be released 'Da Bears!' movie." McKnight went on to say that as more of "the Judas tie" text is translated and studied against the backdrop of Second Temple Judaism culture, the more the Christian community can rest assured that "ties will never be an article of dress for the emergent church."

Only one of the children in the geneological line of Judas (known as the ThirtypiecesofSilveringians), that dastardly disciple of Jesus, could be reached for comment about their ancestor's sartorial tastes. "Geez, we jus' thought he used a dirty old rope, but, hey, what do I know?" Judas Lieferickson of Mennetonka, MN told the Times.

Meanwhile, Nieman Ruckus plans on a mass marketing of "Judas Ties" as the subversive holy day called "Judas on the Wall" approaches.

Thanks John Frye for the laugh.

2 comments:

michael lewis said...

Whoever wears that tie ought to hang himself.

Though we are free from the law, there is only but three rules: Love God, love your neighbour as you love yourself, and finally, loving those three includes not wearing that tie, or any other which looks like it. In fact, don't wear anything that you bought at a christian bookstore beside the new release cd shelf.

pastor mike said...

ah, you'd really like one like that - admit it!!!!