Saturday, October 25, 2008

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A slightly updated version of the classic question:

SARAH PALIN:
The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darnit, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY :
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some chickens of color.

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR! so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it accomplished it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

4 comments:

michael lewis said...

Far more important:

Q: Why did the vegan cross the road?

A: To eat the chicken.

mike said...

my brother's family would kill you for that if they weren't pacifist!

michael lewis said...

Your brother? The one that worked for McDonald's??


That's not my original line, Liam said that once in the car in response to a CBC Radio One program host's show introduction.

mike said...

yes that brother...
he no longer works for McDonald's...